[Musebox] - Honor Before Honors

[widow_of_the_crag]

"This is the price that traitors pay," Jeyne's mother had told her shortly after the raven from the Twins arrived. It had been too horrific to contemplate, the news seeming like a nightmare, rather than reality. Yet her mother had found the means to drive the point home, to make it clear that Jeyne had not misheard and that Walder Frey had not lied.

Robb was dead, butchered at his uncle's wedding and savagely maimed. So the reports went, that is. Her mother had spared her the details, one of the few mercies she offered, as she would not cease her callous comments about the man that had been her good-soon. In her eyes, it was a means to an end and now she could have the marriage she always wanted for her daughter, but had been denied because of birth.

It had been arranged so quickly, Jeyne had little time to think beyond her grief. Around her the world moved, but in her heart there was nothing but the emptiness that Robb's death had left her. She was a specter, roaming the halls and waiting for her own demise. Her mother tried to cheer her, attempting to talk of weddings, but after being met with stony silence one too many times, she simply gave up.

Jeyne fought what little she could, no matter the passage of time or the years she suffered. She tore her gowns and struggled to keep her crown, the one Robb had made for her (yet failed to keep). Even on the day of her wedding (two years after Robb's death), she contemplated throwing herself from the cliffs of Casterly Rock. As though knowing this, her mother kept a sharp eye on her and practically dragged her to the sept.

Once it was all said and done (the bedding ceremony being the worst of all), she was settled in her new home and wed to some man that she didn't know or cared for. Martyn Lannister, a high marriage and one her mother had coveted for her. Yet it was nothing in Jeyne's eyes. She wasn't his wife, no matter how much he attempted to please her. She was Robb's and always would be.

Death changed nothing and did not free her from her vows.

It was only when Martyn received word to travel to King's Landing that Jeyne felt she could breathe again. Alone in her home, she could give way to her sorrow and sit by the sea, as she often did. Sometimes, she believed she could hear Robb or thought she saw him in the distance.

It was an illusion. Robb was dead and the gods were not kind enough to bring him back.

Comments

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb has no idea. He has no idea if he wishes to pursuit a future. And whatever Jeyne says, he cannot understand why she'd want him this way. And he has no idea why he hopes for something that cannot be reached. She seemed to want to fill his head with brightness while he struggles to get out of its darkness. But there is no point where they can meet halfway.

"How much did you bring?" he asks, looking over his shoulder. "I'm sure you can convince one of the traders."

[widow_of_the_crag]

She doesn't know whether or not Robb would follow her, instead choosing to return to Martyn's estate. She didn't want to ask him or risk hearing an answer that would only serve to break her heart. She had to trust that there was still a part of him that wanted her, even if it was only a piece. She needed to believe that he would follow her anywhere, including the Free Cities across the Narrow Sea.

There was a coin purse in her bag, but it might not be enough. She at least had the foresight to bring some of her jewelry, likely enough that she could be given a comfortable cabin. It would be dangerous though, if she did travel without a protector.

"Enough." The Dauntless. That seemed like a good name for a ship. She glanced back at him, clutching her hands tighter together. "This one seems to be sturdy. I could speak with the captain?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Being in the city makes him feel extremely anxious. He fears to be recognized, to see a finger extending towards him, voices calling his name. Robb is fairly sure he would not be able to handle more torture and cruelty. More scars and blood, more loss of all he has been. A shiver goes down his back and he shudders underneath his cloak.

Yet when she speaks he snaps out of it.

“Truly?” he asks with a blank look on his face. Finally he moves to stand next to her, eyes flashing from her face to the ship she points out to him. It shows it that he doesn’t feel comfortable at all. Too many people, too many eyes.

“You cannot just ask any random ship. That seems a war galley, it will probably not take you to Braavos.” He smiles a joyless smile. “Try the merchants.”

[widow_of_the_crag]

She feels safer, as there were few who would recognize her, even in the Westerlands. Her appearance was plain enough that she didn't stand out in the same way that Cersei Lannister did. Untying her cloak, she draped it around Robb, pulling the hood down over his face. He would at least be concealed, though she suspected very few would know him. He didn't look the same as he used to. He had no direwolf to mark him as a Stark. He looked closer to a vagrant than anything else.

She took his hand in hers, no longer flinching at the feel of his missing fingers, giving him an encouraging squeeze.

"I don't know the difference between ships." She said, smiling at him in an effort to reassure him. She looked across the docks, trying to figure out which one would be a merchant and which one a war galley. She point further down the line at a ship with gold gilding along the bow. "What about that one?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Even though Robb does not want to he can feel his body flinch the second she drapes the cloak around his shoulders. The moment people come close or touch him he cannot control himself and rather go into full defence mode, expecting pain to come.

"I'm sorry...I..." he mutters under his breath, not allowing her to touch his hand for long either. "It is not you..."

Robb fears she would take it personally, like the prime example that he did not want her anymore. Or disliked her.

"The merchant ships are heavier, larger. They're built to carry more load... War galleys are small and swift, meant to be at a place quickly to engage in war. And the captains...they...they might look differently..." Robb figures that Braavosi dress differently. They would speak a different tongue.

[widow_of_the_crag]

She understood enough to recognize she mad an error. He hadn't spoken of what happened to him, but she knew his response was because of the Red Wedding. There was a soft, understanding smile on her face as she gazed back at him. "You don't need to apologize, Robb. I should have known." She folded her hands together, staying any further temptation she might have.

She nodded, listening to his explanation. Finally, she found a ship matching that description. She approached the captain, determining where he was headed. Braavos, exactly where she hoped to flee to. Handing him a bag of coins, she purchased a room and passage, enough for two, though she didn't know if Robb intended to follow.

Jeyne turned back to look at him. "We have a cabin."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

“It is fine...worry not...” he whispers in return, keeping his hands close to his body. There are a lot of reasons why he does not like others to touch him still he could not tell anyone about it. It was painful to him and Robb has accepted the part of him that has become craven. If he had any dreams of riding North he forces himself to forget those dreams immediately.

Still he watches her when she leaves to make arrangements and he is aware of some sort of longing. It is the first time he feels something like that and it takes him off guard a little.

“For us?” he asks after she mentions the cabin. For a moment he silences, feeling some sort of fear coming over him. What if he would go with her? What if she would find out he does not even resemble the Robb she used to know? “Truly...why would you want me to join you?” He pauses to take a deep breath.

“I fear you may not like what I am. How I look... I do not want you to be disappointed, Jeyne.”

[widow_of_the_crag]

"For us." She reaffirms, a gentle smile on her face. "Robb, it doesn't matter what you look like." The impulse to reach for his hand was there, but she stayed her hand, not wanting to frighten him again. "I love you. I have had to live with the belief that you were dead. I would rather have you, no matter your appearance than to live without you again."

She held out her hand for him, offering him the chance to accept that gentle touch again. She didn't fear his missing fingers or the scars that he might have accumulated. She could soothe those away. It was whether his heart was willing or not to take this step.

"We can live freely in Braavos. We will be safe and together." They could have a cottage by the sea, somewhere secluded and quiet. It was all she could ever want. The man she loved and a home away from the game of thrones. "Come with me."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

“For us...” he repeats the words carefully, peeking at her from underneath his hood. Yet it was hard to completely believe her, to take this as a truth and not some lie. That it would not end up in cruelty and pain. That it was not just another way to torture him. “I have been close to dying many times. But they never let me.”

For a moment Robb thinks about his siblings and Winterfell and he wonders if he would ever find them again. Or maybe they slaughtered them all as a punishment for the things he did as a king. There is a lot of hesitation in him when he moves and it is hard for him to filter out the thoughts that are truly his and not those coming from all the damage he endured in his past.

“I am truly craven... I am not brave or... I cannot protect you.” But he truly wants to be with her, gods, his heart aches for her presence. Yet he is so bloody scared. So bloody frozen and focused on facing on the here and now instead of dwelling on a past he wants to forget. Finally he shows her his hands. “I cannot even hold a sword anymore...or a bloody spoon...” And while standing there he whispers these words harshly, not wanting anyone to hear them.

“How can I expect that I can hold you?” Still, he touches one of her hands carefully, eyes narrowing slightly as he does. It’s odd to see those clumsy stubs dancing over such perfect skin. Almost unreal.

[widow_of_the_crag]

She felt herself bracing for rejection once more, for him to pull back and hide in the darkness he surrounded him with. There was a wall between them, as cold and thick as the one guarded by the Night's Watch. She wanted to climb it, to scale to the other side and find the man that loved her once. To rescue the man that wanted happiness, she could see it hiding behind his eyes.

There was nothing for her in this world. Raynald was gone and her family was willing to sell her like a whore to bring down their enemies. That deception made her sick at heart and she couldn't abide the life they had chosen for her. She needed to find it for herself and make her own way, however hard it might be.

"I don't need your protection, Robb." She might be a woman, but she was willing to flee on her own, without guard or escort. Death was better than imprisonment, which was what her marriage was. "You won't need a sword, you don't need armor. All we need is a small home, somewhere peaceful."

She drew his hand to her face, pressing a kiss to his palm before encouraging him to touch her. "You can hold me now. All it takes is drawing me into your arms."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

There had always been some sort of solace in taking care of dogs. Dogs did not judge. They did not really care about what Robb has been in the past. And even though Robb did his very best to not think about his past and the many titles he bore, it always nagged at him. All those 'could haves' and 'should haves'. That he lost most of himself was only a fitting punishment for being a failure of a king. It is only fair that he should not think of gaining anything of it. He had no right.

"I know of that..." He nods curtly at her answer. Somehow it hurts. Maybe some part of him had hoped that Jeyne wanted his protection. Needed it in a way the North needed a better king. "You should not speak my name...here... Not out loud. Call me Robert if you must."

He is ready to step back again, ready to convince himself that this is not for him, that he has no right, that he does not belong next to her anymore. Times had gone. Winterfell did not belong to a Stark anymore and the North still paid for the rebellion he once started. His father would condemn him if he was still amongst the living.

"I do not get it..." Robb whispers when he feels her lips against the palm of his hand. "...Why you would show me such kindness..." But he does not pull back this time. He just stands there, peering at her underneath the hood of his cloak.

"Sweet Jeyne..." The words come out in a sigh while he strokes her cheek carefully.

[widow_of_the_crag]

"Robert," she said softly, repeating it for her memory. He would be haunted by the past and she would be haunted with the knowledge that she was the cause of his downfall. For the rest of her life, she would carry that weight and guilt, knowing that she was the reason his men turned against him. She was the daughter of a Lannister bannerman, a woman of no merit or worth, a whore that surrendered her maiden head and broke the king's vows. It was her family that had plotted his death and it was a shame that would never die.

It didn't change how much she longed for him and the life that she still hoped to share. They were one and always had been one, no matter the odds and disapproval. He was a part of her and she would always long for him. Whatever state or form he was in, he would forever be her Robb. Her king and husband.

"Because you are mine and I am yours." She murmured, leaning her cheek more against his hand, the soft skin brushing along his callouses. It was a testament to the harsh living he had endured, but it didn't matter. Robb's heart beat beneath the surface. He lived, it was all she prayed for, just a chance to see him again.

"I love you." She said fiercely, reaching to clasp his face between her hands, drawing him into a kiss.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

"Robert..." he repeats, nodding shortly. No one should know his name, his background. Gods, no one should know his hair was actually a dark shade of red. Any idiot with eyes in their head would connect him to Riverrun. They would capture him for a second time and he's quite sure they would not be so 'kind' as they were earlier. "My father named me after him...King Robert Baratheon..."

It was a long time and for a moment Robb is aware of a pang of guilt in his chest. His father...his family...their castle.

He drops his hand quickly and hides it back into the sleeve of his shirt when he feels how she leans into his touch. Yet, when he wants to turn away she declares his love for him, hands sliding over his cheeks so she can pull him into a kiss. And all he can hear is the deafening sound of his heart and this voice telling him that he isn't that man anymore.

"Jeyne...I am not him..." Robb pulls back a little, looking at her with wide eyes and somewhat of a scared look on his face. He swallows thickly and sighs afterwards. "It will take time..."

[widow_of_the_crag]

She frowned, frustrated at his repeated reminder that he was a changed man. "I know, Robert." The new name strange on her tongue. "But do you think that will change my feelings for you? You may no longer be the man you were before, but it doesn't alter anything for me. I still love you as much as I did before." Perhaps more, grateful to have him back in her life after believing he was gone for good. He was more precious to her than ever before.

"You look for reasons to push me away, but it is impossible. The only means that you could extract me from your life is by telling me that you no longer care for me or want me. Tell me that and I will go. No matter what you choose, Westeros holds nothing for me anymore. But if there is still a part of you that loves me, then stop reminding me you are different now. I know that and I don't care."

It would take time. Yes, she knew that as well. She would not press him for what he couldn't give. Touch, kisses, everything, it would wait until he was ready. "Do you wish to come with me, no matter what you might fear? I want you, I will always want you."

/casually tags 6 months later

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb wants to kiss her. For all those selfish reasons a man would want it. For the touch of lips against his, for warmth, to feel somewhat of a normal person again. Not some sort of ghost of a man.

"There are many reasons why..." he whispers. Just like he does not want to be this weak. His eyes shift from her face to the ground, to the buildings next to them and the sea on the other side. "...But it is not you, it is me." Still, despite all his doubts and troubles he manages to get the most important words out. The ones that might save him. Or whatever that is left of him.

"I will come with you." But, gods, sweetling do not get your hopes up. He nods shortly before he takes a step back, increasing the distance between them again. Fear has some sort of hold on his heart. It paralyses him more than he wants to admit. What if they'd find out who he actually is? "I wish to leave quick. Sell the horses and leave."

Never to return. To run and hide like a coward.

<3<3<3

[widow_of_the_crag]

She expected another protest or an outright refusal of what she offered him. She had grown used to disappointment, having suffered enough heartache after her second marriage and the rude awakening that was her mother. But, as she should have done in the beginning, trusting Robb was not a foolish thing. In the end, his affection for her won out.

"We will then. I have some jewelry as well. It should fetch us a fair price." She had no desire to keep it. They had been given to her at her wedding and as gifts from Martyn, trying to win her affection and thaw her heart. At least now, it could serve a better purpose. "Keep your hood up and allow me to see to selling them."

She would take charge in this, sparing Robb from facing others until he was ready. She knew he was afraid of being recognized. None would know her, a noble girl from a minor house. She was nothing. As it was, she couldn't hide behind someone else anymore, she had to take charge of her life.

"I saw a stables close by. They might be willing to purchase the horses."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

"It is not wise to sell your jewelry here... Keep them on you." Robb shakes his head underneath his cloak. "I fear it will not take long before they manage to track us."

Selling the horses to a trader might be quite a risk and he slowly moves to reach out for her, fingers brushing her shoulder lightly.

"Sell them to a butcher. The price might be lower but it will erase our tracks...buy us some time. Your lord husband...or his men might recognize them." He is not even realizing that the way he speaks has become a little less soft and somewhere in his voice there is a hint of the king he once was.

[widow_of_the_crag]

"Martyn is rather ineffectual as a hunter. He will first try to find me on his own, rather than risk embarrassment. We have at least come to the Reach for a ship. That buys us enough time." But he was right. It wouldn't be long before the Lannisters were involved as well as her mother. Across the sea, she would be safe, but it was a matter of getting there first.

She smiled sadly, letting her hand brush against her horse's neck. It was heartbreaking to consider giving her to a butcher, knowing what might come of her, but it would be safer. Steeling and shutting away her heart had become easier since the Red Wedding. Swallowing her emotions, she lead the horses to a nearby butcher and sold them for a tidy sum. It would be enough for passage.

"We will save my jewels until we reach Essos. It should be enough to help us survive the first year there, so long as we are careful." Neither of them would be able to live the life of lords, but she wasn't afraid of the hardship.

"Did you find a proper ship?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

There was something sad about selling good horses to a butcher and he watches silently when she takes them away. And finding a ship isn't difficult in a harbor full of them, it is about finding the right one. One that does not sail under the flag of one of the Great Houses, or one that is not a war galley on its way to King's Landing. Eventually he speaks to an older captain whose accent obviously does not belong to someone who is from Westeros who allows them on his ship.

"Well, it is not a proper ship. But it will take us to Essos."

Robb is quite sure that he does not need the luxury anymore. He had never really cared for silks, cushions and over-the-top dinners. Still, his family was an entire different thing. He had tried to ban them from his mind and hope that the guilt would stop.

"We will not have separate rooms... But I will keep my eyes on you."

[widow_of_the_crag]

He was more discerning than she was when it came to these details. She was far more thrilled to be free of Lannister control and reunited with Robb to think about being wary. He would keep her grounded during this journey and remind her to consider everything. Her naivety had cost them before and she had little intention of letting it harm them again.

"It doesn't need to be lavish. So long as it will survive the journey." The time for thinking about finery or anything else was done. She simply wanted to be on their way. She carefully concealed her small bag of jewels in a hidden pocket. So long as no one accosted her, they would not find their last resources.

"Do we need separate rooms?" She hadn't even considered that. She had simply assumed that they would be together. "Do they believe we are husband and wife?"